Not a day goes by without a conscious thought of gratitude for friends–some have come and gone; all have had an impact in one way or another and have shaped my views of what being friends is all about for me.
As a pre-teen, I had a best friend. We did almost everything together and shared whatever secrets nine and ten year olds have. When we started high school, our relationship took a devastating turn when she met a guy and fell in love. Naturally she began spending time with him which left me feeling so upset. In my naive, selfish mind I was so angry and jealous of the attention she was giving her boyfriend (and not giving me) and despite her every effort to include me in her life, I kept her at a distance. I was cold and aloof in our interactions. Being ‘best’ friends meant I should come first for her just as she came first for me. When these expectations were not met, I felt hurt and reacted in ways I am not proud of. I regret being mean to her in so many little ways. I now know that my reaction was borne out of the loss I felt as I was no longer her best friend. She had a new best friend and that was her boyfriend. I wished things had remained the same with us but I didn’t know anything about the impermanence of life or the power of acceptance. In hindsight, I wish I had the awareness to share this joyous event with her and be a part of her life. But, I didn’t. My myopic view of friendship got in the way and our relationship didn’t survive. From that experience I made a decision–I no longer wanted a ‘best’ friend!
Recently I had a conversation about the difference between being friends and being a special friend. Having lived the experience, I understood the sentiment of specialness. This conversation brought me to a realization: each person in my life, with whom I choose to spend my time and share myself is special. What makes each relationship special comes from, what I refer to as, the place we enter. While there is a great deal of overlap in terms of what I share with my friends, the focus of what and when we share is unique to each friend. And, therein lies the specialness.
Whether the topic is love, politics, philosophy, sports, passions, feelings, family–I appreciate their distinct perspectives. The fact that no two interactions between friends are the same is what brings the specialness to being friends. The bottom line: I value each and every one of my friends with my whole being.
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